Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Day 31-At the End at Last


Here we are-the final post of the 31 Days of Being the Person series!   Since Lucy inspired this series, I thought it would be fun to end with a picture that she drew at school.  I found this on her vocabulary worksheet.  That is sweat, not tears on that person’s face.
 
I have to admit, I’m a little relieved.  My sister said it best a few days ago.  She said that it must be challenging to take a close look at my life every single day.  It has been.  I’ve looked at the good of who I think I am and the gaps of who I want to be.

I noticed a few themes in this series.

I am so grateful for the blessings in my life.  I am grateful for where I am on this journey. 

I didn’t realize how much I still thought of survival mode.  It’s almost as if my body has some sort of muscle memory.  Even last night as I drove home after a late night of work and meetings, I caught myself remembering what that was like.  Driving to work in the dark.  Bracing for the fatigue.

Honestly, I’m glad that I still think of survival mode every once in a while.  It taught me many life lessons.  And it was in survival mode that I started to make changes.  I always thought that once I “had the job I wanted, made enough money” that I could start working on myself.  I had to start where I was.  I had to start with eyes that burned from sleep deprivation and bitterness from the burdens I carried.

In the past 31 days, I saw a lot of who I wanted to be.  Someone who encourages, who shows compassion and kindness.  Someone who is intentional about doing those things.  I would like to think that at times, I am that person.  But I need grace.  Because I make mistakes.  I am harsh when I could be gentle. 

I am also learning that trying to be this person is tiring.  I thought that maybe I was being selfish in saying that.  In admitting that there were days when I was empty, with nothing left to give.  But I wasn’t designed to carry the burdens of the world.  Those burdens are too heavy.  I am allowed to let those go.  I am allowed to rest. 

I hope that by reading this series, you didn’t interpret this as a guidebook on how to live your life.  I have been searching for how I should live.  Each one of us has our own journey.  There is no “right” way.

I also hope that you have been encouraged.  Encouraged to find the person that you want to be. 

 

This post is the last in my series:

 

To start from the beginning, please visit this page for a full listing.

 

7 comments:

  1. I wrote in my journal one day "Livng with intention is HARD!" For me it just doesn't get easier, but I guess vegging on the couch eating jellybeans always is. Sigh. I've enjoyed the 31 day series.

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    1. It is hard! And we can't expect it to happen in every moment of our lives. It is ok to veg on the couch and eat jellybeans too. Thank you for your kind comments!

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  2. Thank you for your series. I have really enjoyed reading it and thinking about how the things you are working through, a lot of people are too. We are not alone in this world. We need to help and encourage each other daily.
    Thank you.

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    1. I completely agree-we are not alone in this world-this journey of life is not a solitary one. We do need to support each other. I'm glad that you enjoyed this series!

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Be kind, not judgey