At the beginning of February, I realized how tired I was of grief. Tired of that shadow. Tired of those consuming moments. Tired of overthinking.Fed up, I suppose.
I spent a lot of time with my sewing machine. I even sewed her a cover. Lots of sewing with some knitting thrown in.And I have to say, this month has felt pretty good. I have felt lighter.
For the most part, I’m a self-taught sewist. I’ve had some lessons (both formal and informal), but most of my learning comes from internet tutorials, youtube and the many mistakes that I make.Of course, I have my favorite websites and youtube instructors. Every Friday, I allow myself a little extra time to go through my favorite sites for inspiration. One morning, I realized that two of my favorites (Vanessa Vargas Wilson and Jenny Doan) paired up for some projects and an interview. I may have actually squealed when I saw this. Look folks, it’s the small things, right? During the interview, Vanessa was asking Jenny about any healing benefits of quilting. Jenny discussed how many of her students come to quilting after a loss. She shared the following reflection….creating is healing.
That really put this past month into perspective.Grieving is about loss.
Healing is about the future. It is about moving forward. It is about getting back to life. Or recreating what life is like.And I get it, there is no end date to grief. Feeling fed up with grief doesn’t mean that it’s gone. There will still be sad moments. And I know that I will always miss my mom.
Healing is moving forward with the sad moments. Not letting them define my life and thoughts anymore.Crafting is only one part of this picture. It’s exercise. It’s eating 4 ½ cups of produce (almost) every day. It’s finding connection with people. It’s making time for myself again.
It’s realizing that my life does not look like how I thought it would and still moving forward.