Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Sometimes We Cry

Lately, I’ve been feeling more confident.  Having moments where I feel like my old self.  Returning to that person.
Every day though, I still experience a full range of emotions.

I go to bed exhausted. 
I started today feeling strong.

And then I got to a meeting where someone said “colon cancer,” and I thought, I’m ok.  No, really, I’m ok, wow, look at how ok I am.  That was the moment that I realized I completely stopped listening to anything that was being said.
And it’s ok that I’m not ok.

I had another one of those moments where a colleague asked about my “time off” in August.  How was that? she asked.
Here we go….again.

So, I wasn’t on vacation
I feel bad because I’m sure that people are mortified when they hear the answer.    

But maybe I’m a little relieved because I’m not wearing my grief as obvious that I think I am.  Or maybe that’s what I want to believe anyway.
So tonight, I will go to bed exhausted.  And tomorrow is another opportunity to wake up strong. 

With some grief mixed in.

This post is part of my 31 Day series.  To start from the beginning, click here.

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