Longing

 

I was at a baby shower yesterday.  And it was delightful.

Yet I could feel the sadness creeping in.

Maybe I’m tired, I thought.  I did get up at 5:30 am to finish making the gift, after all.  That’s what happens until you wait until the last minute.

It was something else.

There were a lot of women there my age.  Lovely women.  And some were there with their moms.  Or they were talking about their moms.

And I left feeling sad.

Nothing that could have been helped.

It simply is.

My mom isn’t here anymore.  And I won’t have those moments where we go places together.  And playfully tease each other.  And laugh at our inside jokes.

I miss her every day but moments like this cut deep.  Moments when reality seeps in.  And not just the immediate reality of her passing, but the long-term reality of the fact that she is really gone.

I’m not sure how to take this feeling, other than to feel it.  I know that it will pass, like so many of these moments do.

I know that it will come back again.  And probably cut just as deep.

I know that my life won’t be defined by these moments.

This post is part of my 31 Day series.  To start from the beginning, click here.