Apologies

I had coffee with a friend the other day.  The events of the past months came spilling out.  I felt that I needed to apologize.  Of course, she was very gracious and understood.
I still feel like I need to let people know that this is not who I am.

I am not defined by my crisis.

I am really not a complainer.  I am not someone who is a negative nelly.

But I feel like it.

Sometimes I feel like every time someone asks how I am doing, I have more crap spilling out.  I try to put a leash on it, but it comes out anyway.

Because here’s the reality.  This is who I am right now.

This is a difficult season.  Challenging, sad, confusing.  And I need to get over this idea that I need to apologize for who I am.

Sometimes, I want to scream, “THIS IS WHO I AM!  JUDGE ME, I DON’T CARE!”  And maybe add some profanity for emphasis.

That doesn’t seem appropriate in a professional setting though.  And to be honest, I do care. 

I think that’s one of the lovely benefits about being around family and friends.  People who know you and already know your story.  I don’t have to say, “I’m crazy right now because my mom died.”  When I eat a bunch of chips and chocolate at work, no one asks questions.  They understand.  They probably judge me a bit.  But only with their eyes.

So this is me right now, folks.  Messy. 

And damn it, I’m not sorry.  Profanity used for emphasis, of course.

This post is part of my 31 Day series.  To start from the beginning, click here.