Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Big Faith

I’ve thought a lot about my faith this year.

And how it waivers.

And how it’s hard to maintain hope.
I think about my mom and her big faith.  Big faith is being diagnosed with cancer and telling your family to pray, instead of worry.

I wonder if I could be a person like that.
A person who is tested beyond measure and still has hope.  A person who sees the storm clouds and knows that whatever happens, God is by their side. 

I think about how unfair life can be.
No one ever told me life was fair, though.

And faith isn’t about fairness or getting what I want.  It’s about generous mercy.  And grace.  And love.
And not being alone.

And when I think about my faith these past months, that is what has brought the most comfort.
I am not alone.

This song gets me….
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Those moments in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day, when I am feeling heartbroken, when I miss my mom so much that it hurts to breathe, I am not alone.
Those moments when I am fearful of living, scared of what will happen next, unable to love without fear, I am not alone.

I feel it in the most broken pieces of my heart. 
I am not alone.

Maybe in those hopeless moments, that is what my mom wanted us to know.  She wanted us to pray.  She wanted us to reach out instead of trying to take on those heavy burdens by ourselves. 
Because we are not alone.

This post is part of my 31 Day series.  To start from the beginning, click here.

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