Day 15-Already There

I went to work today with the hangover of yesterday’s bad day.  To be honest, I was a little grateful to be going to work.  I needed a change of physical space to put that day behind me.

Instead of my usual meditation, another song lyric was rolling around in my head today.  I thought it was worthy of switching my meditation for the day.

Why are you trying to earn grace?

Today I woke up and felt lacking.  I’m not sure why this particular bad parenting day impacted me so much. 

Maybe it was a hard look at the person I am versus the person I want to be. 

Maybe when I tried to see myself through Lucy’s eyes, I felt shame.

Today I woke up and didn’t feel worthy of grace.

It was still there.

I keep telling my girls that it is ok to make mistakes.  That every day we get to start fresh.

But I didn’t feel that for myself.

It didn’t matter.  Grace was still there.

I didn’t need to feel a certain amount of mommy guilt.

Grace was still there.

Tonight, the girls and I talked about yesterday.  I think Lucy and I both went to bed last night feeling pretty crummy.  We talked about the different choices that we could have made. 

Lucy said, It’s always ok to make mistakes.  Maybe I don’t always set the example I want to.  That’s part of being human. 

When I find myself making those mistakes, we can talk about it, and I can ask for forgiveness.  Maybe that’s the real example that I should be setting.

The example that perfection doesn’t exist.  When we make mistakes, we can apologize and try to do better next time.

And grace is always there.

 

This post is part of the 31 Day series-Mindful Moments.