Monday, October 14, 2013

Day 14-Contrast

Yesterday was one of those days where I felt like I failed as a mom.
Lucy has been working on a book report for a couple of weeks.  Every weekend, she has been working a little bit on it.  I credit her teacher for coming up with the schedule that has been guiding this.

Already, Lucy struggles with wanting to do homework.  There is often some amount of complaining and griping.  I’m not sure where that comes from.  I wonder why some kids do homework without any issues (Katy, most of the time) and others turn it into a full-scale drama.
It took her hours to write a paragraph.  Hours.

As a parent, I struggle with that need to want to take over and do it for her.  I know that’s what she wants, in the short term anyway.  I know that after her assignment is turned in, she is happier having done it by herself.  It’s hard to know where that line is.  Also, not being a teacher, I’m not sure what satisfactory 3rd grade work looks like.
I was not in my best mom form.  It was Sunday.  I wanted to relax.

Instead, I was having to process her paragraph with her…all day…
There was no patience.  Or grace.

It was the worst version of myself.
I feel low reflecting on it today.  I felt low while it was happening. But I couldn’t stop it.  I didn’t know how.

Even in those quiet moments where we were taking a break from the work and I was alone, I asked for wisdom.  I begged for grace.  My patience would return.  Only for a fleeting moment or two.
I simply couldn’t understand how we could have such a great day the day before, and today was a such a painful struggle.

I was grateful when the work was done, and Lucy was in bed.
I was left with my thoughts and the sewing machine.

whose presence is balm
I let the quiet of the night take over.

I tried to push away the guilt from my choices of the day.  Does mom guilt ever go away?  Probably not.
I wasn’t looking for answers.  I was looking for quiet.

I was looking for grace.
This post is part of the 31 Day series-Mindful Moments.

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