Thursday, January 29, 2015

Blank Space

I read this really lovely blog post the other day.  The following words captured my heart:
I need lots of margin in my life. Not just for margin’s sake, but because unless I have margin, I create junk, I have no energy for being intentional with other people, and everything I do seems to take twice as long.

I could have written this.  I need copious amounts of down time.  And my routine.  Like a small child.
I am awed by people who are busy all the time, life full of activity.  You folks are my heroes.

And I used to get down on myself for not being that person.
Until a couple years ago when I realized that it’s ok that I am not that person.

I have a complicated work life.  I love the work I do, but at times (many times), it is emotionally draining.  I need to recharge.  I need to rest.
It’s ok that I like to hang out close to home and enjoy my people. 

And that would be ok even if I didn’t do the work that I do.
One of the best things that has happened in the past couple of years is that I have given myself the grace to be myself.

And I’m not perfect.
Because perfection does not exist.

Don’t get me wrong, there are so many moments when I am hard on myself.  I feel like I don’t measure up to some standard that I think I should be living up to.
I’m a work in progress.  That’s another post I suppose….

Reading that post reminded me that it’s ok that I am this person. 
Down time is something I need so I can be kind to people.  It helps me be more caring, understanding and forgiving.  And it helps me be kind to myself as well.

Recently, I have let go of some of my down time.  I was filling up those cracks with necessary tasks at work and at home.  And it started catching up to me.
One lovely part of giving yourself grace is recognizing that as a human, you have limits.  And I’ve reached mine.

So I’m trying to let go of burdens (real and imaginary) that weren’t even mine to begin with.
And hoping to fill that void with absolutely nothing.

The beauty of margin.

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