Monday, August 5, 2013

A Hard Place

I am still immersed in that heart hurt area of parenting called bullying. 

I am exhausted.  This has been going on for a year now.  And the thing about bullying is that it is a roller coaster.  It isn’t simply all lows.  That might be easier.  That might be more concrete to show my ladies that this is a bad situation.  Instead, a false branch of kindness is often extended to my ladies.  This builds their hope.  And often ends in heartache.

I am confused.  Am I doing the right thing?  Am I balancing enough of letting them figure it out with providing ground rules and guidance?  I know better.  I know there is no right thing.  Yet doubt still creeps in.

At times, I am full of worry.  When around the bully, the ladies forget who they are.  Yesterday my kind hearted Lucy left out another child that she was playing with to accept that false branch from the bully.  It broke my heart to watch this child on the fringes, just waiting for a friend.  Mostly because I’ve seen my own kids on that fringe, with my heart just wanting so badly for a friend.  My brave Katy, with her concrete sense of fairness, is easily swayed by the bully.  Often to side against her own sister, causing more heartache at home.

I wonder if I am taking this too seriously.  If I should just let kids be kids.  And then I go to work and see adults who never had anyone show them as a kid what it means to be loved, what kindness or respect is.  Kids don’t just figure it out.  They see the world around them, they interpret their experiences as the only way.

I can’t simply stand back while my ladies think friendship is full of conditions, drama and pain.  At the same time, I can’t make their decisions for them.

And so this is where I am right now.  Seeking wisdom.  Needing to let go of this worry.  Hoping that my kids will have the courage to be who they are.


  1. It is very hard to be a parent.

  2. Oh friend. I can understand your frustration and sadness. I think you're right to worry. From the outside, it appears that the "bully" needs to be removed from the situation. That child's actions are negatively effecting both your children and you. Pray about it asking for wisdom to say and do the right thing!

    1. Unfortunately, this situation isn't as black and white as a removal. This is a neighbor kid who is also "friends" (I use that loosely because is a bully really ever friends with anyone?) with other neighbor kids the girls actually enjoy hanging out with. Layers of complication. Sigh.


Be kind, not judgey