We’ve been dealing with a certain form of ugliness around here. It’s called bullying.
I’ll spare
you the details. Because really, I don’t
want to get mad about it…again.
It has got
me thinking a lot about what we teach our children. I get it, I understand the theories behind
bullying and why kids do it.
My thinking
has been on what we teach our kids about friendship, specifically about girls
and friendship.
When girls
are being cruel to each other (as they often are), we always say, “they’ll figure
it out.” That happens sometimes. But why do we expect kids to just know the
answers? They are kids, after all.
They look to
us for the answers. They look at how we
live our lives for the answers. Good or
bad.
We can’t
make such a bold assumption that they will figure out what healthy means. Even if we model it. Even if we show them the opposite.
I think
about the women that I see (women from the real world and the work world) and I
wonder, when did we start selling
ourselves short? When did we start
overlooking a history of substance abuse, domestic violence and failure to pay
child support in a potential partner?
These are warning signs! And I guarantee
for the majority of these women, they had a feeling of dread in the pit of
their stomachs that they overlooked when getting into this relationship.
Maybe
growing up, someone thought, “oh, they will just figure out.” Well guess what,
they didn’t.
I wonder if
these women were taught from a young age that they deserved more. That they were special. That they deserve a healthy, respectful relationship. And I think I know the answer to this. The answer, sadly, is no.
So then I
reflect back on teaching my own ladies about friendship. I want them to know that they deserve
healthy, respectful friendships. I want
them to know that they deserve to be treated with kindness.
It will be
up to them to apply this to their lives.
To set boundaries with bullies. To
nurture relationships with true friends.
But I can’t
simply assume they will figure it out. I
owe them more than that.
I can't imagine dealing with bullying in regards to my own kiddos. I'm sure it's difficult especially when your kiddos are the ones being hurt. Your insights about helping children understand healthy and good friendships are very good. I think you hit the nail on the head! I'm sometimes guilty of forgetting that children need help navigating through difficult situations with other kids...siblings or otherwise. Thanks so much for sharing and praying that whatever bullying is going on will stop! Besides, didn't the school year just start....that's crazy to me.
ReplyDeleteSadly this is a neighbor kid, so it adds a little more complication. Thank you for your prayers! Lucy is already starting to find her voice. :)
DeleteWe have been dealing with bullying since Kindergarten with our oldest. It is so hard and gets harder as they get older, because you are not in the class as much and they don't talk about it as openly. You hit the nail on the head about friendships. It took her a long time to figure out those girls were not her friends and she didn't want to be their friend. Stay strong, you will all get through this.
ReplyDeleteI actually thought of you when I was writing this. These are such hard times to watch little ones go through!
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