Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Fear of Change


The past couple days have reminded me of how fearful I can still be.  I am afraid of change.  Fear of the unknown that comes with change.

There have been some changes at the workplace.  Not good or bad, simply change.  There are always changes at the workplace.  This shouldn’t be news.

But there was a small gap of time in which there was this undefined future.

And I started overanalyzing.  Because that is what I do when I am stressed out.  It’s how my brain copes.

And I ran.  I ran the fastest 5k this whole summer.  I gave my 5k a name.  Whenever I run the distance of 5k, I think it should have a name, such as the “Blueberry Pancake 5k.”  I ran that one and then ate blueberry pancakes.  Or the “Breaking in the New Shoes 5k.”  I think you can figure out that one.

My brain went into overdrive because after about a day, I was numb.  Couldn’t think anymore.  Couldn’t provide any useful insight.  Couldn’t provide any insight.  There was some relief in no longer obsessing about something.

A thought kept running through my head, “Everything will be fine.  Be still.”  It was a tiny thought.  A whisper.  I knew it was truth.

I went to bed last night and rested my brain.

This morning, I had peace in my heart.  I felt answers coming.  And by the end of the day, I had them. 

It’s nice when things work out like that, an answer to the unknown.  Usually life isn’t that neat and tidy.  We are left with the unknowns.  We have to live with them.  Move on, never having those answers.

So in my effort to stop running from fear, how did I do this time?  Well, I literally ran from my fear.  Ok, ok, not to escape it.  The running was more about clearing my head.  Oh, I could have named my run the “Clearing My Head 5k.”  Next time.

I have to say, I was grateful when my brain shut down.  What does worry do?  It doesn’t change a situation.  It creates panic, especially when we worry about a situation that has no answers.

Change doesn’t have to equal fear.  Another life lesson for me.  I’m sensing I will need some repetition of this lesson.


  1. I never learn the first time. I must really love my lessons, as they sometimes come in the same exact format.
    Hugs and love to you my friend. Look to the past you are where you are because of the changes that were made, and you survived, flurished and are able to be you, whom I love.

    1. Thank you so much-your words of encouragement are incredibly meaningful considering the changes you have been through this week. Yat for both of us!

  2. I was very fearful of all the changes that came into my life several years ago but I can now look back at those changes and realize that they were changes that made my life better. I worried how I would cope but made it through with lots of prayer and encouragement from you. I feel that my life has taken some wonderful turns and am looking forward to new changes that may come into my life in the future. I am less worrried about change now.


Be kind, not judgey