Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Heart Risks

On Saturday, I ran 10 miles.  This was my reward.  Isn’t Dig a fun name for a spring seasonal beer?  And it is in my special drinking glass.

That was my longest run ever.  I’m not sure what inspired me to do it. I suppose I just wanted to see if I could.

I ran with a hydration belt.  Billy was right.  It did help.  I didn’t enjoy running with it though. 

I ate a whole avocado when I was done.  In the form of a turkey wrap.

Billy helped me figure out my running path for the day.  There was still snow on the dirt trails so he talked about another way that I could go on a paved path.  I have a horrible sense of direction.  He has been telling me about this path for over a year, and I just now figured out what he was talking about.  And then I almost got lost.  After one mile.  On a familiar road. 

I get scared running on unfamiliar paths. 

But we already know this about me, don’t we.  I get stalled by fear.

Part of me knows that risks don’t always pan out.

A few years ago, Billy and I tried to move back to Illinois to be closer to family.  I tend to think about it every April because it was this time of year when we were trying to move.  For a variety of reasons, the move didn’t work out.  At the time, it was incredibly painful. Even now, I still feel some heart tugs when I think about it.

I was telling some story to Billy the other day.  A story about when the girls and I were out there.  We were laughing about it.  Billy said, That was the weirdest summer, but it seems like it was such a good time for you.

And it was.

But it didn’t work out.  And in hindsight, it appears we were meant to stay in Colorado.

There’s a song by the Oh Hellos that makes me think of risks.  It makes me think of that time in Illinois.

Because nothing lasts forever

Some things aren’t meant to be

But you’ll never find the answers

Until you set your old heart free

Not all risks work out.  Not everything is meant to be.  But we still have to take risks.  We still have to push ourselves.  We still have to find out. 

Sometimes when our risks don’t work out, there is pain and sadness, and we don’t understand why.  Time can give us a valuable perspective.  The risks may have seemed to fail.  But during that time of risk and trying new things, we may experience happiness and joy. 

Maybe the risk didn’t fail at all.

Maybe the ending just looked different than what we had in mind.

1 comment:

Be kind, not judgey