Monday, March 11, 2013

Starting a New Life

On March 11, 2012, I drove home after my last overnight shift.  I felt incredible relief.  The need for the second job was over.  I would actually have days off each week.

A year later, I still find myself reflecting on that time.

The sleep deprivation.  The eyes that burned from lack of sleep.

The loneliness.  The loneliness of carrying a burden.

The feeling of loss.  Losing precious time with my ladies.

The glimmer of hope.  Hope for a different future.

Within the past couple of months, my body has finally started to let go of old habits.  I don’t feel the need to take a nap at 8 pm to get ready for an overnight shift.  I don’t find myself bracing at bedtime because I have to stay up all night.  Now I just go to bed.  And yes, some nights (most nights), I go to bed by 8:30.  Don’t judge.

I look back and wonder how I made it.  How did I keep going?  How did I function?

Last night, I was thinking about a project I have been working on for work.  And I wondered how I would have been able to complete it if I had still been working 7 days a week.  I would have found a way. 

I always found a way.

There were so many moments that I wanted to give up.  I wanted to let someone else carry this burden.

I held on.

Because of that, I can reflect on that time without regret.  The moments of sleep deprivation were fleeting, only a memory now.  The moments away from my family were getting me closer to the moments I have with them right now.  The moments of loneliness are replaced by my full heart.   

A full heart.

A year later, I have a new life with a full heart.


  1. I'm so happy for you and that you can look back on that time with the hope of today. It's kind of like Easter, according to Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen, he said, "You can't have Easter Sunday without Good Friday."

    1. Absolutely! There is no way I could appreciate the gifts of today without the struggles of yesterday. And there were some pretty important lessons learned along the way as well.

  2. I am glad to hear about how well your life is going. I know that there are things that I never would have dared try until my own "Good Friday" happened. It has been hard but I love my life now. I am enjoying being with my kids and watching them turn into these awesome young adults. I love spending time with them now knowing that soon they will leave the nest.

    1. We seem to think that it is the good moments that can bring positive change, but sometimes those struggles can enrich our lives in ways we didn't know were possible.


Be kind, not judgey