Skimming

I haven’t been doing a lot of writing lately, but I have been doing a lot of reading.  Over the years, people have gifted me bookmarks, and I always seem to lose them.  I always grab the closest piece of paper, sometimes a hair tie.  Sometimes I make a (failing) effort to remember the page number. 

I’ve noticed that Lucy does this too.  The other day she used my car keys as a book mark.  Recently, I’ve been using this Hela Kitty picture that Katy left on my night stand.  Obviously, she meant to write Hello Kitty.  I think it’s hilarious.  Too bad Lucy took it from me to use for herself.  And she lost it, bringing her to my car keys.

I’ve been holed up with books trying to quiet my busy mind at the end of the day.  Occasionally this backfires.  I can’t finish a book before bed.  My mind spins with thinking about the unwritten chapter (like last night).  The next step for the characters.  I suppose that’s a little too much like my worries for work.  Thinking about the next step in someone’s life.

Overthinking about something I don’t have any control over.

As usual.

Instead of overthinking, I have been trying to seek quiet.  This hasn’t gone unnoticed.  A couple of days ago, my dad sent me a text (yes, my dad can text), “You’ve been quiet on facebook.”  I thought about it for a while.  My latest post was last week, in which I shared some personal insight about the dangers of having a beer several hours after donating blood.  I guess my dad didn’t think that was enough oversharing.

My brain has felt crowded lately.  So I have been skimming.  Skimming the facebook and pinterest posts, skimming blogs that I frequently read, skimming news stories.  I don’t feel that I have room for anything else.

Maybe it is the season.  Technically it is spring, but it feels more in between.  Maybe I need a vacation.  I feel focused for a few days, and then I’m back to skimming.

The thing about skimming is that I don’t really feel awake.  I don’t feel present.  I’m rushing.  And then I am hard on myself because I know that I won’t get those days back.

I keep thinking that if I have quiet, I will have clarity.  It hasn’t exactly been working.

I need to remind myself of some truths.

-Perfection does not exist.

-My mind skims because it is one of the ways that it renews itself from overload.

-It is ok if I don’t find a single solution to my overcrowded brain.

-I have been doing awesome at eating my vegetables.