Searching

Two weeks ago I wrote a post about mindfulness. 

And then I found the past two weeks flying by.  How did that happen?

I have been forgetting things.  I have been escaping.

That feeling has been driving me crazy.  I have been going through the motions.  I haven’t really been awake.

Maybe I am making some progress.  Maybe before I wouldn’t have realized that two weeks had completely slipped away.

I’m trying to retrace my steps.  Figure out why I lost track of time.

Scheduling got in the way.  I simply need more down time.  Every weekend has felt rushed and full of to-dos. 

I haven’t been taking care of myself.  I started a craft project a couple of weeks ago that I haven’t finished.  I haven’t been writing.  The change in the daylight has shifted my running schedule, and I am losing out on a run a week.  Translate that into I have lost a therapy session a week. 

I have been hiding.  Hiding in my books.  Hiding in my covers as I flop down to sleep at 9 pm, completely worn out.

I have been taking things personally.  Things that are not personal.  They never really are, anyway.  But that is where my brain goes when it is tired or my heart is weary.  I lose the gift of perspective.

I’m searching for the reset button.

We are headed into my favorite season, and I want to enjoy it.