This Girl

This week has been kind of a tough one for my little Katy.  Last week, the girls had a full week off for Thanksgiving break.  Going back to school, resuming the to dos of life has left her a little overtired and frazzled.

Last night was probably the most difficult.  After Girl Scouts, she took a shower and went straight to bed.  I’m sure she was asleep within 2 minutes.

Today was another rush around day.  After I made dinner and ate it in five minutes, I had to head out to an hour and a half meeting.  I admit, I had been dreading this meeting all week.  A meeting that starts at 6:45 pm is only going to get the attention of about one quarter of my brain.

When I got home, the girls were showered and ready for bed.  Billy said that after Katy was showered and jammied up, she got in our bed.  When he asked her what she was doing, she replied, “Waiting for Mommy.”

This girl. 

All week I have been feeling that it didn’t matter what I did, we were destined to butt heads.  But here she was, at the end of her day, and she wanted to snuggle with me.

She melts my heart.

Grateful for Me

I read a lovely post from Anna that included a thank you letter she wrote to herself.

I was inspired.  During this month of gratitude, many recognize the blessings in their life.  Other people, life circumstances, stuff. 

But do we take time to acknowledge ourselves?  Do we take time to acknowledge the struggles we’ve been through?  Do we acknowledge that we are still here?  Do we take time to acknowledge beauty in our imperfection?  Do we acknowledge that we matter?

I took some time and thought about what I would say to myself.  What words of appreciation would hold meaning to that person who saw hope blooming but was still living in the day to day?

Here are some of my thoughts:

This time last year, you were in the middle of a change.  Trying to accept life.  Trying to seek joy where you were.

It was hard.  There were days that you wanted to give up.  Days when hope was foggy. 

Thank you for believing.  You only knew that life would change for the better.  You didn’t know when.  Yet faith remained.

Thank you for seeing that life could be different.  That life could hold more meaning.

Thank you for hanging on.  Hanging on through working seven days a week.  Hanging on with burning eyes from staying up all night.  Hanging on with a body that would always feel cold from not getting enough sleep. 

Thank you for keeping it together.  You had to keep going.  Your responsibilities at work and home were constant.

These recent days are so much sweeter for everything that you did.  Everything that you were.  You were enough.

I know your struggles.  I know your heart.

And I thank you.

A Truth

I just finished a lovely week of not doing much of anything.

I really needed it.  The quiet and calm of doing nothing.

When I returned to work today, I wasn’t filled with a sense of dread about going back to the routine.  I embraced the day, in all of its imperfect glory.

I was remarking to a friend today about being plagued with dreams about work for the first few nights of my vacation.  It wasn’t until I had my first full night of sleep (and did not dream about work) that I had some insight.  I caught hold of it again, that undercurrent of joy, because of a powerful truth.

I am not responsible for solving the problems of this world. 

And with that truth was the relief of unloading that burden. 

As I began my imperfect day, I remembered that truth and held onto the undercurrent.

Giving Thanks

Each year at Thanksgiving, one of my sisters would make us go around the table and share what we were thankful for.  She was met with groans.  My siblings and I reluctantly shared our blessings.  Can you imagine that?  A group of people grumbling about having to be thankful on Thanksgiving.  Sheesh.  Sorry I was such a jerk, sister.  I hope she didn’t let that experience discourage her from carrying on that tradition with her own family.

Gratitude shouldn’t be something that we dread.  It also shouldn’t be something that we express only once a year. 

Gratitude should be expressed daily.  A thought of appreciation, a verbal expression of “thank you,” whatever form it comes in.  It is important.

But it makes us feel a little vulnerable, doesn’t it?  We need other people.  Gratitude is admitting that we need other people, admitting that we can’t do this alone.  We admit that it’s not just those big things that we are grateful for, it’s the little things as well.  Maybe we feel a little embarrassed about being thankful for such “trivial” things.  But they aren’t trivial.  Those little things in life can bring great joy.

I’m not big on seasonal decorations for my house.  I’m not sure if it is lack of creativity or talent for decorating or laziness.  This year, I made a Thankful Tree for Thanksgiving.  I got the idea from Pinterest.  Let’s celebrate the fact that I made something on one of my Pinterest boards!

The idea is that each leaf represents something you are thankful for.  At first, it was a bit of struggle for the ladies.  They were cautious, not knowing exactly what to put.  When I contributed “sweet potato pie” to the tree, I think they realized that it was ok to be thankful for the little things.  They couldn’t write their ideas down fast enough.  And they didn’t care what they wrote.  There was no embarrassment over being thankful for turkey, penguins or each other. 

They are simply grateful.

This Thanksgiving, I am so grateful for the many blessings in my life.  I hope that you have a tree full of blessings to be grateful for as well. 

And maybe if some relative at the table asks you to share those blessings with the whole group, you will embrace the opportunity to share your joy with your family.

Seasons

A couple of days ago, I sat down on my bed to read.  I was startled when I looked out the window and saw the tips of the foothills peaking out behind the houses across the street.  When did that get there?  Oh right..it’s always there…the leaves in the trees block it during the spring and summer.  For the next few months, I get to enjoy my limited mountain (foothill) view.

With the change of the season, my view changes.

I suppose that’s true of the seasons of life. 

I never really used that phrase until recently, “the seasons of life,” but I love it.  There is so much beauty in viewing life this way. Some seasons of life are busy, some are challenging, some are easy.

Nothing is permanent.  At times, I think I have a season figured out, only to have it change into something else.

I don’t want to admit it, but this has been a bit of a challenging season for me.  The emotional burdens of the work I do have consumed me.  My “real” life looks different too.  I have tried to take care of myself, doing those things that help me carry on, but I have felt overcome.

I intentionally took this week off work and made no plans.  Last night was the first night that I haven’t dreamed about work. 

I feel incredibly well rested this morning.

I can feel the burden lifting.  I can feel the season starting to change.

I am grateful.